ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
