seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
