New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
