If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
