I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
