Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
i would one night stand the shit outta him
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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