She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Randomize
