i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
