Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
