worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
