he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Im part way to drunk.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
