we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
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