Screwed.edu
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
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