I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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