I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
