We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
