smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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