Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Randomize
