its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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