he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
We don't watch enough power rangers
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
