dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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