i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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