Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
My life is pants optional.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
