At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
