My first STD was from a foam party
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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