Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
