Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
