if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
