Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
