apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
