so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
