So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Randomize
