i don't like sucking hair
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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