He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
