So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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