failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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