i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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