I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
