I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
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She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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