I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
