I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
