new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
