you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
