Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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