So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
