finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize