I can text with my tongue
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
