question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
