the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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