Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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