we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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