I think I died a long time ago.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
