My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
