Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
