She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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