This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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