You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
