he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
