ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
