I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
