just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I think we might need a safe word for this...
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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