matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
