Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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