I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
