how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
My vagina just recognized that song.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
